Last night's fencing was fun, followed by a lesson that reminded me both of how far I've come and how impossibly far I need to go if I want to achieve my goal of making the world team in 2012.

I've probably said this before but it bears repeating:

I am determined to set aside everything that has been drilled into me since childhood and engage in pure, selfish fun for no other reason than self-gratification.

And phhhfffttttt! to anyone who disapproves.

Background: When we were first coming to grip with the reality that we could not "fix" Mother's problem, we took her to a new doctor in hope of finding a cure. Among other questions the doctor asked was one that shined a light on a long-standing problem:

The doctor asked Mother what she did for fun.

The reply, paraphrased:

Fun? Oh, I never do anything for fun. I know some people like having fun but I'm just not made that way.

And my inner response: Ohmygawd! That's so true.

I've spent far too much of my life being very careful not to be happy (just look what God did to Job and he LIKED Job!) and to know my place and stay there. After all, who did I think I was? because this is, after all, what my Mother taught me.

No more.

I watched my mother do all the things that she wanted me to do and what I have learned from this is that depriving yourself is no guarantee that you'll be rewarded later in life. In fact, it probably increases your odds of being miserable later in life.

I intend to have fun. Today. Tomorrow. Every moment that I can for however long I can.

Life is to be lived, not encased in plastic and stored for later use.