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Greybeard's Brain Blog

Was I like that?

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by , 02-17-2012 at 07:19 PM (313 Views)
I am going to a place called "The Challenge Center" here in San Diego. It is a workout/rehab center for stroke survivors only. What a great place. There was a new guy there today who seems to be a recent stroke survivor. When they would sit him up he would fall forward and could barely hold himself upright.

I know they tried me on the elliptical machine last week and it only took 3 minutes before my legs caved in. It's a good thing my PT/trainer was right there. I seem to be regressing. I can stand for less time. I can't walk as far as I could. (a trip from the living room to the kitchen is tough.) The stairs get steeper each day. If they get me walking, does that mean I can't chair fence? I hate to say it but I am better in a chair.

I wish I would have known of this place ages ago. I am also volunteering in a new program they are starting at the hospital. They figure who better to mentor stroke survivors than other stroke survivors? We get "fresh" survivors just going into rehab. I hate to be cliche, but this is really one of those "unless it has happened to you" times you really have no idea.

It's tough going into the hospital. I see bedridden folks, people shuffeling up and down the hall with their Therapists and they can barely move. Was I really like that? Once a month the group gets together to see how people are doing. It's funny (not) but it is good to se others with the same frustrations; not getting well fast enough, not getting back to what they once were, others telling them what they are and not able to do, not seeing the progression in themselves, the total obliviousness of people in a crowd if you are in a chair, being talked about like you are not there.

People brought up i all jut gets to you that it seems easier to give up, contemplating suicide, just wasting away, things like that. I have had the same thoughts. Right now I just feel like I am a total disappointment. If I were to give my live a review I would mark it "not meeting expectations." Are my goals that unrealistic? I am in here; I just have a difficult time expressing things. To quote Micheal Corleone, "this is not what I wanted."


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