I love Fridays, and not just for the usual reasons. I just got back from a lesson and aside from stumbling around, I feel alive.
I started out today as one of “those” days. I was in such a deep funk and not knowing really if getting my wish of being rated for chair fencing was what I want. Of course what I want is to be the way I was before the stroke and subsequent brain surgeries.
I have such extreme ups and downs on the strip. If only people would fence me at the speed of a lesson. (we want to get form and technique, not fancy tricks right now) Of course it would be even cooler if an opponent came forward and said, “OK, parry 4 riposte”
However, there is still some muscle memory there, but that silly balance issue. Lunge, fall forward, retreat, fall backwards. We worked with me keeping a wider base today and staying low. That worked much better until I gradually creep up. I should stay low anyway, but…..
Back to the lessons. I just feel great mentally afterwards and we can’t help but laugh at my problems and have a good time and put me in a better mood. I need a nap, but.
I am going to start on my CPAP machine tonight. People have asked how it is working and I reply, "As good as the treadmill." I was so wasted after the test (probably due to all the experimentation with the settings, I hope.) I could not go to work the next day so I thought best not to start it on a “school” night. I better wake up refreshed and 10 pounds lighter.
My theologian friend had a great thought when I told her about being able to get rated. She said:
“One of the things you have unconsciously wished for is clarity in what was ahead. The being in limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop is hell. Nothing is as bad as that. You are competitive, no way around it. But you have liked being competitive against other people. “I beat you.” Now you are being asked to channel that competitive spirit against a more formidable opponent, yourself
One of the issues we discussed in class today is how we measure success. In business, profit is often a good measure. You are being asked to change the way you measure success and it is difficult. Even more so because having yourself s the competitor means that you can’t have an off day and still win because your opponent wasn’t as good as you are. “
06-06-2008 04:47 PM