So my biggest fear ever was achieved. I came in dead last! Last! Oh the horrors! I went through all the stages, denial through acceptance and have come out the other side a humbled soul. It is not that I thought I would win it all, I mean I just started fencing again in November after 14 years of nothing, not even real exercise. I just thought I would have remembered some of my prior coaching. But I was a mass of nerves and fear and by the time I could think to do something the bout was over. It was pitiful, but my husband was really supportive and at least I made some teenager happy she wasn't last. What hurts, more then the series of flicks this one dude loved to do on me, was the fact that I really didn't have a plan out there. I had juiced myself up to fail before I really had a chance to do anything. I did simple attacks that you could read from a mile away and changed nothing, until I was down 4 pts already. I was reacting more than acting. It was a good experience to have. Being last didn't kill me. I didn't lose it for the team (thank goodness my old coach wasn't there). I was gracious and still had enough ego strength to go into the DE against this great veteran who has been fencing for 5 years and was so nice! It was a pleasure to fence that last DE and though it was 7-15 it felt swell. I wish the whole day had been like that. I had no fear of him, since he was so nice, I was relaxed (but tired) and though he won I felt no shame in it. My goal had been to get 5 pts and I achieved that.
I look forward to fencing the next open in the coming weeks. I have no where to go but up here on out!
01-26-2009 09:48 PM