For those who haven't seen the Korean movie " Oldboy" (subtitles available), the main character writes down all the possible offenses he has inflicted to the people in his life over a period of fifteen years. He fills about six notebooks.
While my memory will never fill half a notebook, I want to remember something about myself as I write each entry. How I felt, and how I wanted to write something but didn't.
Not to say I didn't regret it, but this place is brought together by the love of a sport. While that is beautiful, admirable, wonderful, I don't think it can ever encapsulate the human being and its love for anything beyond the sport. So I think my discussion, while not fencing related, will never cover everything I want to say to people on this site because it's not sport related. Trying to bridge and make that connection with the person behind the reason why we are here makes me vulnerable, something I don't want to do with someone I don't know whether s/he prefers his/her water with ice or not.
I suppose I'm one of those people who has a need to connect on a level underneath the superficial with called "friends." I think that's hard on the internet, often harder in person, but I think the risk and challenging of meeting someone in person presents me with the visual reminder that everyone has some sort of openness (not vulnerability). I don't know how to handle with a lot of personality types and how they cope with someone they don't know, but I suppose this need to know people as much as they might want to know me comes from my desire to feel, know, and give everything life has unto me.